Relationships are difficult for anyone. A healthy relationship involves a lot of compromise, listening, understanding and respect. If these simple rules are not incorporated within ANY relationship, you may find yourself in a miserable relationship or constantly single. Most of the hardships within relationships are created because one partner has a strong desire to change something about their significant other. These changes can range from trying to get them to stop smoking to reinventing an entirely different person.
Can you change your loved one? Is this possible? Or is this even the correct way to go about having a healthy relationship? Should we get into relationships with people that we "claim" to love and suddenly want to change them? There are so many questions that stem around this issue, but yet there is only ONE main question that you should ask yourself.
#1 Question
Did your partner have those
bad habits prior to being with you?
Most of the time, the habits that we cannot stand about our partner, are generally the same habits they were engaging in BEFORE you became an item. Not many people start smoking or suddenly become disrespectful AFTER they choose to be with you. These are very common fallacies. Generally, the habits that you despise have been there all along, you just chose to not acknowledge it hoping it will get better. Or perhaps, at the time, you thought what they were doing was cute.
You may have to think very hard, but if your significant other has always had these current habits that you now hate, should you really try to change them? After all, you tolerated it earlier on in your relationship…what is different now?
Every time you attempt to change a person, without knowing, you are asking them to change who they are. Each thing that we do, including our bad habits, makes us who we are. And the reality about being in any mature relationship is that you may need to accept the small bad habits, (NOT CHEATING, BEATING OR ANY FORM OF ABUSE) and change the way YOU think. Maybe it is time to accept the person that you fell in love with and deal with putting the cap back on the toothpaste.
A person who loves you (vice versa) will always deal with the small things, simply because the good should outweigh the bad. This is how you know you truly love someone. If you can look past some of the annoying habits and continue to love a person, then you will have a healthy and happy relationship.
And if you are currently single, NEVER FIND A PERSON AND EXPECT THEM TO CHANGE. If you do this, you are truly deceiving your significant other (and yourself) because he or she is not who you really want.
SO, CAN YOU CHANGE A PERSON?
How long has it been that you have been nagging at your husband to pick up his clothes off of the floor? Does he currently still do that?
How about those video games and awful television shows that you beg him to turn off. Is he still watching them?
And men, does your wife or girlfriend cook you better meals, now that you have continued to pressure her and change her into Betty Crocker?
BOTTOM LINE: Only YOU can provide a legitimate “personal” answer to this question, however, unless your partner truly has it in their heart to change for themselves…you are probably stuck with those negative habits that you hate. And why would you mind, since it is highly likely that you CHOSE to be with this man or woman of your dreams knowing that those habits you hate so much, came with the package?
CHANGE IS A PERSONAL DECISION THAT BEGINS IN THE HEART,
NOT WITH SOMEONE FORCING
YOU TO BECOME WHO YOU ARE NOT.
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8)."
Written By: Te-Shandra Haskett, MBA
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